[m4w] powerlessness

I've watched a lot of damage happen as a result of people incapable of accepting their lack of control over situations, or overcontrolling situation A to make up for no control of situation B. Enough to the point that I make a conscious effort to not want control.

I can click into "top" mode fairly quickly, but because it always feels like a lie, I don't enjoy being there. It's more an obligation to accept the delusion of control in order to complete necessary tasks. Yeah, I'm sure I still have power trips. But now I shirk responsibility more as well. Worst of both worlds.

(A lot of good things can happen when you take control. Last night was spent pouring through scrapbooks. Found news clippings of dad breaking ground for the hospital he's in, with the same doctor treating him now. Add "wretched underachiever" to the list of ways I feel today.)

Powerlessness describes my situation right now. I'm just waiting.

On a smaller scale, my grand plan to Escape To Somerville today has been dashed by Captain Lake Effect. (The local weather predicts snow every day for the next 10 days, except for Stuporbowl Sunday.)

I called my manager, who thinks a few days of next week will be stressful, but doable. Since I started there in June, three other folks (including our manager) in our eight-person department have lost a parent. I wonder how the other four feel about this.

So... new Escape plan is Saturday, actually attend the 40th birthday party I've been looking forward to for months. (Even though I probably can't bring thatwesguy. My schedule is rather amorphous and his surely too solid by now. The invitation explicitly suggested bringing drums. I could bring him AND a date.)

I need to find a local copy of Groundhog Day. It looks like I'll be here on Monday. obra and Pup are both off the hook, as it were.

I look forward to the time/interface to actually read my mail (web mail SUCKS), and find out what this Orkut thing is that people keep inviting me to. Another "improvement" on friendster I gather.

[m4w] powerlessness

I've watched a lot of damage happen as a result of people incapable of accepting their lack of control over situations, or overcontrolling situation A to make up for no control of situation B. Enough to the point that I make a conscious effort to not want control.

I can click into "top" mode fairly quickly, but because it always feels like a lie, I don't enjoy being there. It's more an obligation to accept the delusion of control in order to complete necessary tasks. Yeah, I'm sure I still have power trips. But now I shirk responsibility more as well. Worst of both worlds.

(A lot of good things can happen when you take control. Last night was spent pouring through scrapbooks. Found news clippings of dad breaking ground for the hospital he's in, with the same doctor treating him now. Add "wretched underachiever" to the list of ways I feel today.)

Powerlessness describes my situation right now. I'm just waiting.

On a smaller scale, my grand plan to Escape To Somerville today has been dashed by Captain Lake Effect. (The local weather predicts snow every day for the next 10 days, except for Stuporbowl Sunday.)

I called my manager, who thinks a few days of next week will be stressful, but doable. Since I started there in June, three other folks (including our manager) in our eight-person department have lost a parent. I wonder how the other four feel about this.

So... new Escape plan is Saturday, actually attend the 40th birthday party I've been looking forward to for months. (Even though I probably can't bring thatwesguy. My schedule is rather amorphous and his surely too solid by now. The invitation explicitly suggested bringing drums. I could bring him AND a date.)

I need to find a local copy of Groundhog Day. It looks like I'll be here on Monday. obra and Pup are both off the hook, as it were.

I look forward to the time/interface to actually read my mail (web mail SUCKS), and find out what this Orkut thing is that people keep inviting me to. Another "improvement" on friendster I gather.