neurotic lj friends and filters meme
Jan. 13th, 2004 11:59 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
cthulhiagoing around. (at least, my answers are neurotic.)
Which 3 LJ Friends have you known the longest?
blackbear88, jbsegal... and if I met radiotelescope before baitcon 2 (1989?)... otherwise there's a lot of folks I probably first met there, whose names wouldn't stick for another decade, some not until LJ.
Is/are your significant other/s on LJ?
n/a. However, the love of my life so far (if only the feeling were mutual!) has an LJ now.
Do you have LJ friends you've never met in real life?
yes, although I stopped adding folks who I haven't met, or am not sure I've met, with limited exceptions.
Do you have friends you met first on LJ, then in real life?
yes. Most successfully with Tyrsalvia.
Does it hurt your feelings when someone unfriends you?
yes, absolutely.
they aren't interested in what I have to say, and are excluding me from their potential locked thoughts. (even when they emphatically proclaim to never have anything but public posts. it's the spirit of the thing.)
Most folks who've added an LJ in the past year or two (in my circles) do so not to keep a journal, but to keep up with friends. If they haven't added me, then I must not really be their friend. Aha, now I know how they really feel about me!
I try not to notice when people have finally gotten LJs, unless they add me as a friend, since it bums me out far past the point of rational reaction. (So don't expect me to add you first. It was my sofa first, you have to initiate the greeting if you want to have a seat. or something.)
I will find myself awkward in social situations with LJers who don't friend me. I don't want to talk about my LJ or anything I write about here, since they've already stated their lack of interest. When they ask how I am doing, I rarely have any interest in elaborating. When I have a choice of social events, I will opt for one without people who've effectively stated they don't think I'm a worthwhile read. Where I won't walk in already burning with that insecurity.
(I toy with the idea of editing my non-LJ local announcement list to exclude anyone with an LJ who doesn't regard me as a friend. This seems so petty I end up just not using the list, posting events in locked LJ entries instead. Sometimes I'm vaguely healthy about it, and avoid lists entirely, inviting individuals. Miss_chance, yes, I know, I could do that more often.)
I'm not exactly proud of being this neurotic about my user info, but I can't pretend I don't feel rejected every time I see a comment in someone else's journal from someone I thought was my friend too, but apparently is not. If 177 folks are interested in me, then I am better off just eliminating those who won't offer even this bit of social validation. (er, 178. freyja is... someone from the diesel?)
Since this is not the most defensible attitude, (and just mentioning it at all sounds like I'm trying to guilt people into adding me - most posts on this topic get marked private or deleted before I'm done writing them), when it really gets me down, and the poo loop of being depressed for letting something (considered to be) so petty get me down, I often just avoid being social entirely until I can kick my own ass out of that brain.
What would make you unfriend someone?
them unfriending me, making an uncomfortable privacy/access imbalance.
I'd say excessive and dull posts (e.g. where a meme like this, that doesn't involve quizilla, is the most interesting thing they have to say), or excessive use of animated icons, or excessive trolling, but I can alter my default filter or skim past the offenders.
I consider unfriending people who regularly discuss friend-locked posts with people they aren't certain can read said posts, or people who mention the existence of a lot of their filtered posts when I am not on any of those filters ("Wow, I've posted a lot today!" and it's the only one I can see), but that way lies inevitable drama, and I'm already way too neurotic about LJ.
Do you discuss personal information in your LJ?
Yes. I'm not terribly secretive. However, I had to sign an Non-Disclosure Agreement this year. This has made me re-evaluate what goes on LJ, whether it be public, friend-locked or private. I also had the experience of seeing things I said behind a filter being cut and pasted into comments in LJs of ex-friends.
Lately, if I feel it has to be so filtered, it probably won't get put on LJ at all.
I'll "lock" posts for containing phone numbers or other personal information (including full legal names) or, recent examples:
family angst (global as well as internal family politics),
who gave me what for christmas,
planned outings/social scheduling/free screenings,
reports on semi-private social events that the hosts may not want to have publically accessible,
not-so-controversial dramas,
doubleplus miserably depressed posts (Stuff easily misinterpreted by people who don't know me well enough to know I snap out of it regularly, usually I don't post anything, because it feels like I just want attention - so when I am down enough to post about it, I worry that strangers might be alarmed),
anything that might provoke too many hostile comments from non-friends in my inbox. (with this exception)
private posts: mostly details about my family - I'm trying to record current perceptions because I don't trust my own memory to not be revisionist anymore. (this is a primary reason I journal at all.) Controversial dramas, for the same reasons. (Although some things simply don't get mentioned anywhere online ever again.)
Which 3 LJ Friends have you known the longest?
blackbear88, jbsegal... and if I met radiotelescope before baitcon 2 (1989?)... otherwise there's a lot of folks I probably first met there, whose names wouldn't stick for another decade, some not until LJ.
Is/are your significant other/s on LJ?
n/a. However, the love of my life so far (if only the feeling were mutual!) has an LJ now.
Do you have LJ friends you've never met in real life?
yes, although I stopped adding folks who I haven't met, or am not sure I've met, with limited exceptions.
Do you have friends you met first on LJ, then in real life?
yes. Most successfully with Tyrsalvia.
Does it hurt your feelings when someone unfriends you?
yes, absolutely.
they aren't interested in what I have to say, and are excluding me from their potential locked thoughts. (even when they emphatically proclaim to never have anything but public posts. it's the spirit of the thing.)
Most folks who've added an LJ in the past year or two (in my circles) do so not to keep a journal, but to keep up with friends. If they haven't added me, then I must not really be their friend. Aha, now I know how they really feel about me!
I try not to notice when people have finally gotten LJs, unless they add me as a friend, since it bums me out far past the point of rational reaction. (So don't expect me to add you first. It was my sofa first, you have to initiate the greeting if you want to have a seat. or something.)
I will find myself awkward in social situations with LJers who don't friend me. I don't want to talk about my LJ or anything I write about here, since they've already stated their lack of interest. When they ask how I am doing, I rarely have any interest in elaborating. When I have a choice of social events, I will opt for one without people who've effectively stated they don't think I'm a worthwhile read. Where I won't walk in already burning with that insecurity.
(I toy with the idea of editing my non-LJ local announcement list to exclude anyone with an LJ who doesn't regard me as a friend. This seems so petty I end up just not using the list, posting events in locked LJ entries instead. Sometimes I'm vaguely healthy about it, and avoid lists entirely, inviting individuals. Miss_chance, yes, I know, I could do that more often.)
I'm not exactly proud of being this neurotic about my user info, but I can't pretend I don't feel rejected every time I see a comment in someone else's journal from someone I thought was my friend too, but apparently is not. If 177 folks are interested in me, then I am better off just eliminating those who won't offer even this bit of social validation. (er, 178. freyja is... someone from the diesel?)
Since this is not the most defensible attitude, (and just mentioning it at all sounds like I'm trying to guilt people into adding me - most posts on this topic get marked private or deleted before I'm done writing them), when it really gets me down, and the poo loop of being depressed for letting something (considered to be) so petty get me down, I often just avoid being social entirely until I can kick my own ass out of that brain.
What would make you unfriend someone?
them unfriending me, making an uncomfortable privacy/access imbalance.
I'd say excessive and dull posts (e.g. where a meme like this, that doesn't involve quizilla, is the most interesting thing they have to say), or excessive use of animated icons, or excessive trolling, but I can alter my default filter or skim past the offenders.
I consider unfriending people who regularly discuss friend-locked posts with people they aren't certain can read said posts, or people who mention the existence of a lot of their filtered posts when I am not on any of those filters ("Wow, I've posted a lot today!" and it's the only one I can see), but that way lies inevitable drama, and I'm already way too neurotic about LJ.
Do you discuss personal information in your LJ?
Yes. I'm not terribly secretive. However, I had to sign an Non-Disclosure Agreement this year. This has made me re-evaluate what goes on LJ, whether it be public, friend-locked or private. I also had the experience of seeing things I said behind a filter being cut and pasted into comments in LJs of ex-friends.
Lately, if I feel it has to be so filtered, it probably won't get put on LJ at all.
I'll "lock" posts for containing phone numbers or other personal information (including full legal names) or, recent examples:
family angst (global as well as internal family politics),
who gave me what for christmas,
planned outings/social scheduling/free screenings,
reports on semi-private social events that the hosts may not want to have publically accessible,
not-so-controversial dramas,
doubleplus miserably depressed posts (Stuff easily misinterpreted by people who don't know me well enough to know I snap out of it regularly, usually I don't post anything, because it feels like I just want attention - so when I am down enough to post about it, I worry that strangers might be alarmed),
anything that might provoke too many hostile comments from non-friends in my inbox. (with this exception)
private posts: mostly details about my family - I'm trying to record current perceptions because I don't trust my own memory to not be revisionist anymore. (this is a primary reason I journal at all.) Controversial dramas, for the same reasons. (Although some things simply don't get mentioned anywhere online ever again.)
