![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
SA 9/20 Gah! Mood swings by the book?
Sep. 20th, 2002 02:55 pmToday she wrote all about the enemy within, and all the ways you ego sabotages your whole life, in the form of fear and intimidation, or silent reason, "slow down, you have all the time in the world" etc. Mainly in relation to job hunting, according to her.
I'm definitely in self-sabotage mode, mostly about my failure to have enough cool adventures and actual skills to make up for all the somewhat standard things I also don't have ... like wild sex and drug experiences I guess, but even they wouldn't make up for the (9+ years out of 10) absence of requited love or a best friend.
As far as work goes, things are looking mostly up. It only took about three trips to and from my car for me to have everything I needed for Kinkos, although by then I was running late. Luckily, I ran into (and almost over) Prog on the way, and insisted he help me print out stuff at his place. We discovered some gaping holes in OSX with rtf coding. My online resume is mostly a table, and was saved as an uneditable image. I'm panicking. Prog had ERay's cell number coded into his phone. I called and asked if I could possibly sneak in early and print out my resume before the interview (in another part of his company's office), since time was too short for much else.
When I get there, he brings me to an open mac station, as I am loading my zip, being annoyed with OSX (no sir, I don't like it, not one bit... but, I suppose this is like my pedantic friends who hate the way English is evolving), I look around. The nameplates at the desks indicate that I am among my interviewers. In fact, the guy who closed out of some program (so I could print a resume) is one of them. I then hunt for the "penguin" printer, and go find ERay. As I am about to ask him whether I should go out to reception and come back in again for the sake of appearances, my main interviewer comes over and lets me know they're ready for me.
They were onto me the Whole Time.
I quickly hand them the resumes I had just printed out, um, right over there. I blush appropriately, explain some of the printing snafus that led to me printing out resumes at the place where I am trying to be hired, and then proceed with the interview. It goes pretty well, considering that I really haven't touched Framemaker recently enough to count for much, and they at least sound like they're still interested. I am fairly well-connected to a lot of Geeks They Know.
We seem to end on a good note. I feel reasonably positive. Either they were humoring me through the printer stunt, or were impressed with my confident actions. I dunno.
I have a lot of support coming to me from folks. When I'm being rational, I know that.
Other times, I wonder if the only way I'll ever be the most important person in someone else's life is to give birth to them. That's a more desperate measure than I care to take, not to mention that it doesn't really work.
Being the eternal also-ran would be slightly easier if I were at least employed.
I'm definitely in self-sabotage mode, mostly about my failure to have enough cool adventures and actual skills to make up for all the somewhat standard things I also don't have ... like wild sex and drug experiences I guess, but even they wouldn't make up for the (9+ years out of 10) absence of requited love or a best friend.
As far as work goes, things are looking mostly up. It only took about three trips to and from my car for me to have everything I needed for Kinkos, although by then I was running late. Luckily, I ran into (and almost over) Prog on the way, and insisted he help me print out stuff at his place. We discovered some gaping holes in OSX with rtf coding. My online resume is mostly a table, and was saved as an uneditable image. I'm panicking. Prog had ERay's cell number coded into his phone. I called and asked if I could possibly sneak in early and print out my resume before the interview (in another part of his company's office), since time was too short for much else.
When I get there, he brings me to an open mac station, as I am loading my zip, being annoyed with OSX (no sir, I don't like it, not one bit... but, I suppose this is like my pedantic friends who hate the way English is evolving), I look around. The nameplates at the desks indicate that I am among my interviewers. In fact, the guy who closed out of some program (so I could print a resume) is one of them. I then hunt for the "penguin" printer, and go find ERay. As I am about to ask him whether I should go out to reception and come back in again for the sake of appearances, my main interviewer comes over and lets me know they're ready for me.
They were onto me the Whole Time.
I quickly hand them the resumes I had just printed out, um, right over there. I blush appropriately, explain some of the printing snafus that led to me printing out resumes at the place where I am trying to be hired, and then proceed with the interview. It goes pretty well, considering that I really haven't touched Framemaker recently enough to count for much, and they at least sound like they're still interested. I am fairly well-connected to a lot of Geeks They Know.
We seem to end on a good note. I feel reasonably positive. Either they were humoring me through the printer stunt, or were impressed with my confident actions. I dunno.
I have a lot of support coming to me from folks. When I'm being rational, I know that.
Other times, I wonder if the only way I'll ever be the most important person in someone else's life is to give birth to them. That's a more desperate measure than I care to take, not to mention that it doesn't really work.
Being the eternal also-ran would be slightly easier if I were at least employed.
